Childhood songs
by Snoring Tiger
Summary: Remember those childhood songs you used to sing to? The Alphabet song, Teddy Bear's Picnic and so on? Well now the FMA cast are going to RUIN them for you! The FMA cast are singing childhood songs, but somewhat changing the lyrics...shouldn't go above T.
1. Alphabet Song

"Ling, I've always wanted to ask you something..." Edward told the Xingese prince, who looked at Edward, shut-eyed and all. Both of them were in Edward's hotel bedroom after Ling decided he wanted to pay Edward a visit via window.

"What is it Ed?" Ling asked. Edward grinned.

"Let me ask you in the form of a song:

_A, B, C, D, Can you see?_

_Your eyes are shut constantly!_

_Even in the darkest room your eyes never are open,_

_It's almost like you've seen something weird like strawberry bacon, _

_A, B, C, D, Can you see?_

_Cos sadly you can't see me!"_

After a couple of seconds, Ling clapped for Edward, amazed that the boy even had a good singing voice. When Ling stopped clapping, there was an uncomfortable silence between the two teens. Edward couldn't bear being blatantly ignored for five minutes, so he turned to Ling, looking pissed off.

"Ling, you never answered my questioned," Edward reminded the prince, trying to hold his temper, "Care to answer it?"

Ling stayed silent for a few seconds before muttering to Edward "Promise you won't laugh?"

Edward just nodded then said "Yes, I promise," because Ling couldn't see him nod. Ling dramatically opened his eyes.

Edward just stared at Ling's eyes for a few seconds before Ling snapped them shut again.

Oh how Edward laughed.

* * *

_For this song, you kinda have to speed up the tune and possibly repeat a line (depending which version you grew up with) for it to match._

_Yay for more projects! Well, I kind of miss rewriting childhood songs ever since 500 rants, so this is going to be a collection of one-shots with childhood songs rewritten for the FMA cast. Feel free to recommend songs, I love a challenge :3_

_I'll try to update soon next Thursday (When my exams finish, thank the Gate ^^)_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	2. Twinkle Twinkle

Edward was having a bit of a tantrum that day-

"WINRY, YOU CALLED ME SHORT! PREPARE TO LISTEN TO THE SAME SONG ELYSIA HAD TO LISTEN TO:

_Why the hell am I so short?_

_Please don't call me 'kid' or 'sport'!_

_Who's so small to be even called a pipsqueak?_

_Who's so tiny that it's almost unique?_

_Why the hell am I so short?_

_But when I tell you this you only laugh and snort," _Edward sang his version of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star to Winry after she called him a midget bastard.

Winry only looked at him in confusion once he finished his song.

"You wrote a song to get people to stop calling you short?" She slowly asked him, scared for his sanity. Edward grinned at her.

"Yup! Not just _any _song, but Twinkle Twinkle Little Star!"

Winry just looked at him for a few seconds before she began howling with laughter after this statement for two minutes straight. Edward just glared at her by the time she regained her composure.

"What the hell do you find so funny Winry?" Edward snapped at her. She smiled at him evily.

"I would never expect you singing children songs considering you're so 'tough'!" She replied back to Edward, who scowled.

"You try singing a version of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star that you invented then!" Edward proclaimed at her. She only giggled before starting:

"_My auto mail is the best,_

_Way better than all the rest!_

_My designs make it perfect,_

_My auto mail is so decked!_

_My auto mail is the best,_

_Do you really have to test?"_

Edward could only stare in awe at Winry while she bowed.

"I think I just owned you Edward," Winry cheerfully commented. "Besides, while you rushed the lyrics in the middle, I kept mine to the proper syllables."

Edward had nothing to say to this so he just settled for applauding his friend for a few seconds. Winry just grinned and walked out of the room.

* * *

_For the people who wanted me to do Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, I hope you were happy with this!_

_The song version I used can be seen here if you're interested(the first verse): _h ttp :/w ww. You tube. Com /watch?v=yCjJyiqpAuU

_-AEW Alchemist_


	3. Little Bunny Fu Fu

"Alphonse! Can you sing me a lullaby?" Elysia whined from under the covers, about to fall asleep. Because Edward was on an overnight mission with Mustang's crew, Hughes had asked Alphonse to babysit while he and Gracia went to the movies. Alphonse looked at the tired-looking girl.

"Hey, I wrote one about Edward! Do you want to hear it?" he asked her. Elysia giggled back at him and squirmed under the covers in delight.

"Please," She whispered from under the covers, smiling. Alphonse nodded his head.

"Do you know the tune of Little Bunny Foo Foo?" He asked. She nodded.

"Alright, here we go!" Alphonse said before starting:

"_Edward the Alchemist,_

_Trudging through his mission,_

_Got pissed by Cornello,_

_And blew Lior to pieces._

_Then came Colonel Roy Mustang, and he said:_

_Fullmetal Alchemist!_

_I do not want you to _

_Blow up every city _

_Because it pisses you off._

_I'll give you three chances,_

_Don't follow my orders,_

_I'll transmute you to a spork!_

_The next month:_

_Edward the Alchemist,_

_Trudging through his mission,_

_Got pissed off by Clara,_

_And made Aquroya explode._

_Then came Colonel Roy Mustang, and he said:_

_Fullmetal Alchemist!_

_I do not want you to_

_Blow up every city_

_Because it pisses you off._

_I'll give you two chances,_

_Don't follow my orders,_

_I'll transmute you to a spork!_

_The next month:_

_Edward the Alchemist,_

_Trudging through his mission,_

_Got pissed by Buccaneer,_

_And blew Briggs to smithereens._

_Then came Colonel Roy Mustang, and he said:_

_Fullmetal Alchemist!_

_I do not want you to_

_Blow up every city_

_Because it pisses you off._

_I'll give you one more chance,_

_Don't follow my orders,_

_I'll transmute you to a spork!_

_The next month:_

_Edward the Alchemist,_

_Trudging through his mission,_

_Got pissed by Father,_

_And blew up all of Xerxes._

_Then came Colonel Roy Mustang, and he said:_

_Fullmetal Alchemist!_

_I do not want you to_

_Blow up every city_

_Because it pisses you off._

_I gave you three chances_

_You did not obey me_

_Now you're a spork! POOF!" _Alphonse sang, before adding:

"_The moral of the story is: ALCHEMIST TODAY, SPORK TOMMOROW. (Also, that the Flame Alchemist can successfully perform human transmutation without a toll_)" Alphonse added. Elysia looked up at the suit of armour before breaking into a fit of giggles and snuggling under her covers.

"Thank you big big brother." She whispered before falling into a dream of Edward being a spork.

* * *

_Why spork? Because I felt like it, that's why! _

_Link to the song is here (shows bits of animated blood, can be mentally scarring): _http :/ww w. you tube . co m/watch?v=a84IowoW00w

_-AEW Alchemist_


	4. Happy and You Know It

"WILL EVERYBODY JUST PISS OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE!" Edward roared at the top of lungs as he walked into Mustang's office after getting only two hours of sleep. Sleeping on the train wasn't on option as it would bump Edward every second whenever he managed to get somewhat comfortable. So, Edward was pissed off, and wasn't afraid to show it.

"Ooh, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed," Havoc light heartedly teased.

"WELL I DIDN'T GET ANY FUCKING SLEEP SO HOW COULD I HAVE WOKEN UP ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE BED? YOUR LOGIC IS FLAWED!" Edward screamed, pointing at Havoc, who was struggling to hide a growing grin.

"Brother, it's just an expression. C'mon, let's give your report to Mustang so you can go to sleep quicker okay?" Alphonse told his brother more than asked, and literally dragged Edward to Mustang's office before shutting the door behind him. There was silence in the outer office before Havoc whisper sang:

"_If you're pissed off and you know it shout out loud,_

_If you're pissed off and you know it shout out loud, _

_If you're pissed off and you know it and you don't care who else knows it,_

_If you're pissed off and you know it shout out loud."_

As if on cue, a scream could be heard from Mustang's office "I HOPE YOU DIE COLONEL BASTARD!" which obviously belonged to Edward. The whole office (minus Riza) chuckled quietly before Breda continued:

"_If you're grumpy and you know it break the door,_

_If you're grumpy and you know it break the door,_

_If you're grumpy and you know it and you don't care who else knows it,_

_If you're grumpy and you know it break the door."_

Edward suddenly appeared before the office, with a door ripped off its hinges lying on the floor. The office was silent as Edward stomped through the office with Alphonse in tow and when Edward slammed the door behind him, all the office (minus Roy, Riza laughed this time) howled with laughter. Mustang looked confused at his laughing subordinates before Fuery piped up:

"_If you're tired and you know it punch soldiers,_

_If you're tired and you know it punch soldiers,_

_If you're tired and you know it and you don't care who else knows it,_

_If you're tired and you know it punch soldiers."_

"MY STOMACH!" The office could hear a random soldier cry in pain.

"HEY DON'T PUNCH MY FACE!" Was another cry of anguish.

"NOT THERE KID, PLEASE, I WANT MORE CHILDREN!" A man screamed in hysteria. Mustang began roaring with laughter as the whole crew (minus Riza) sang:

"_If you're Edward and you know it blow us up,_

_If you're Edward and you know it blow us up,_

_If you're Edward and you know it and you don't care who else knows it,_

_If you're Edward and you know it blow us up."_

"Wait...CRAP!" Mustang screamed as a short-tempered, tired alchemist blew up HQ.

Thankfully no-one was hurt.

At least in the explosion- that poor soldier Edward punched earlier could never have children again.

* * *

_Link I used (sent by an awesome person ELOSSS Alchemist): _htt p: /w ww. you tube. C om/ watch?v=M5IHXKWhP4E

_Okay, that was definitely the most fun to write!_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	5. Teddy's Bear Picnic

If you were to visit Central HQ on the 4th of January in 1907, you would take one look at the building before probably try to resist the urge to run home to your mother's house, crying and begging for warm milk and cookies. You see, that day in Central Headquarters was quite unlike all the other days as it was more active than usual. The janitors were rushing around faster than usual in a pedantic manner, cleaning the floors, walls and doors with great efficiency, all officers of all ranks even up to Generals were making sure their military uniforms were in perfect shape and even Edward who was sulking around the corridors of Central Headquarters wasn't shouting in his usual matter, or at all but remained out of everyone's way quietly. The sight could only make one wonder what could be happening to make Central Headquarters act in such a strange manner.

The answer could be heard by Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc and Colonel Roy Mustang, who were singing as the Colonel's office was being scrubbed down to perfection. Havoc started singing first to the tune of the children's song, Teddy Bear's Picnic:

"_If you went to Central HQ now_

_You'd probably want to die,_

_If you went to Central HQ now,_

_You'd like to think it's a lie!_

_For every soldier reporting there_

_They better be quiet and not swear_

_Today's the day Olivier's visiting us!"_

Once Havoc stopped singing, Mustang chuckled.

"Well well, sounds like you're as enthusiastic about our situation as I am," Mustang sarcastically commented, "Okay then, let me continue your pain in the form of song!" Mustang melodramatically cleared his throat before singing:

"_We wish we could all have the flu_

_So that we could miss today! _

_She'll surely wish she could kill us all,_

_Then she could shout loud HOORAY!_

_Olivier gives us all the creeps_

_She could put us in permanent sleep_

_Why's Olivier visiting Central today?"_

Havoc pretended to cry once the Colonel finished singing, saying "You are the most awesome boss in existence Sir. A true inspiration to us all on how to act when superiors are visiting!"

Mustang smirked. "Of course I am Havoc; now let's get back to work before we have to put up with Olivier picking on me for having a bad office or something. She really annoys me! Just let her freeze at Briggs, that's the best thing to do," Mustang complained. Just then the two of them (only them two were in the office, everyone else was by the front steps greeting Olivier outside) heard the door to the main office creak, and they saw the long blonde haired tyrant herself looming over the two men.

"Do you dare to say what you said just then to my face, you pieces of spineless scum?" Olivier threateningly asked both men.

The Flame Alchemist, Hero of the Ishval War, the Colonel with nerves of steel responded first.

With a squeak.

* * *

_Holy shizzle, __I'm Backkkkkkkk! :D_

_Tomorrow is a great day, as I'll start to update 88 reasons daily! Well, I hope you find that good news..._

_I used the first 35 seconds of the song today: _

_htt p:/ ww w. you tube. c om/ watch?v=1_jNgir WeQY&feature=related_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	6. You are My Sunshine

_This episode takes place before Hoenheim goes to sleep in episode 27 of FMA:B_

_

* * *

_

"Well it's time to take a break I think," Hoenheim told his souls, sitting down on a log and opening a bottle of gin before downing it in a few large gulps.

**Hey, can we do something fun? **One of the souls called Katie asked.

"Like what? I'm not moving, just so you know," Hoenheim addressed the single soul.

**Let's sing! **Katie demanded. Cheers of joy erupted from the rest of the souls residing in Hoenheim.

"Okay, okay fine! Just shut up, you're giving me a headache," Hoenheim moaned, rubbing his slightly intoxicated head. "Fine, who wants to sing my lyrics of You Are my sunshine?"

_**WE DO! **_The souls shouted.

And so they began, Hoenheim starting _(Hoenheim's verses are normal, the souls are bold and both are italicized bold):_

"_The last century_

_As I was thinking_

_I thought "you're planning to kill us!"_

_When I snapped to life_

_I knew I was right_

_So I hung my head and sighed_

_**You are my brother **_

_**My only brother**_

_**You're the one who taught me alchemy**_

_**My friend in a flask,**_

_**You'll make me kill you**_

_**Please don't take my sky or my sea**_

**Let rational thought in,**

**Down it with some gin**

**Mean guys always lose,**

**And Good guys shall so win**

**Let rational thought in,**

**Down it with some gin**

**Open up your brain and let happiness win!**

_My master taught me something_

_That every slave should know_

_It's all about the power_

_I've learnt to hate power so!_

_I know that you'd be unhappy,_

_Cos I always bring you down_

_**Maybe if we keep on smiling**_

_**Thoughts of power shall freely go**_

_**Let rational thought in,**_

_**Down it with some gin**_

_**Mean guys always lose,**_

_**And Good guys shall so win**_

_**Let rational thought in,**_

_**Down it with some gin**_

_**Open up your brain and let happiness win!**_

_**Let rational thought in,**_

_**Down it with some gin**_

_**Mean guys always lose,**_

_**And Good guys shall so win**_

_**Let rational thought in,**_

_**Down it with some gin**_

_**Open up your brain and let happiness win!**_

"Well that was all fun, but don't take it too personally that I'm going to sleep now," Hoenheim told the giddy souls as he slowly shut his eyes.

* * *

_Damn there's repetition in that song XD I never knew it was this long! Oh, when Ho-ho says Down it with some gin, he's telling Father to get drunk! If you think about it, because it's Ho-ho's blood they are kinda brothers :)_

_I USED THE WHOLE SONG THIS TIME ^^ : _ht tp: / ww w. youtu be. c om/w atch?v=FafLnokzeNo

_-AEW Alchemist_


	7. Mary Had a Little Lamb

"Hey Al," Breda asked him one day at work in the office, "Do you remember anything about when you were a kid?"

"What do you mean?" Alphonse asked.

"Like...what was your favourite food?" Breda thought of quickly. Alphonse thought to himself for a few moments before responding "When I was little, I adored chocolate-chip ice-cream. It was so tasty, and I always pretended I was digging up treasure by picking out the chips...that probably sounds strange," Alphonse laughed.

Edward got up from where he was sitting at work and joined in the conversation.

"Please, he was so obsessed with it when he was 5, I made up a song for it and always sang it to him to annoy him!" Edward laughed. Alphonse gasped.

"Do you still remember the song?" Alphonse asked.

"Yup, and I'll sing it now if I have to," Edward took in a breath of air before singing:

"_Alphonse had an ice-cream cone_

_Ice cream cone_

_Ice cream cone_

_Alphonse had an ice-cream cone_

_With chocolate chips on it too_

_,_

_Alphonse licked up all of it_

_All of it_

_All of it_

_Alphonse licked up all of it_

_And it tasted oh so good_

_,_

_Alphonse had an ice-cream cone_

_Ice cream cone_

_Ice cream cone_

_Alphonse had an ice-cream cone_

_With chocolate chips on it too_

_,_

_Alphonse licked up all of it_

_All of it_

_All of it_

_Alphonse licked up all of it_

_And it tasted oh so good!"_

"Wow, forget being a State Alchemist, you should have become a singer!" Breda grinned.

* * *

_The lyrics and video I used are here: ht tp: / ww w. you tube . co m /watch?v=9y4HYRXrHqI_

_Sorry for the long update!_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	8. I'm a Little Teapot

That day, the military had opened up its first auditorium within Central Headquarters. Most of the strong, burly men which worked at Central however, had a tough, bad-ass reputation to upkeep, hence would never use the auditorium. However, this didn't mean that all tough, strong muscular men were against the performing arts...

"Performing has been a delicate art which has been passed down _**select elite **_members of my generation!" Armstrong proudly stated to his trembling subordinates. "I have found in my military career after enhancing my _talent and skills _in alchemy in fighting, nothing helps me wind down like singing! Who wants to join me in testing out the auditorium men?"

No response.

"Just as well, I'd just out stage you anyway," Armstrong egotistically claimed as he made his way to the auditorium, grinning under his carpe-moustache.

* * *

"Hmm, what music shall sound pleasing to the loyal dedicated soldiers of Amestris?" Armstrong asked himself after doing a few vocal warm-ups and proved indeed that he was gifted in singing.

"Nothing to pump up the blood like an edited version of a childhood song!" Armstrong mistakenly judged. After clearing his throat melodramatically, Armstrong began to belt his heart out:

"_THE STRONG-ARM ALCHEMIST_

_THAT IS ME_

_SEE ME SPARKLE, WITH MUCH GLEE_

_WHEN MY SHIRT IS TOO OLD_

_LEAVE IT BE_

_ON THE FLOOR AND NEXT TO MY GLORY_

_..._

_I'M A GREAT ALCHEMIST_

_I'M A PRO_

_WATCH ME AS I ATTACK ALL OF MY FOES_

_SPIKES FORM FROM THE GROUND AND ATTACK YOU_

_MY ALCHEMY IS SKILL AND KUNG FU_

_..._

_THE STRONG-ARM ALCHEMIST_

_THAT IS ME_

_SEE ME SPARKLE, WITH MUCH GLEE_

_WHEN MY SHIRT IS TOO OLD_

_LEAVE IT BE_

_ON THE FLOOR AND NEXT TO MY GLORY!"_

Once he finished, he posed in a very...masculine...pose.

Various soldiers throughout the vicinity heard the singing talent that is Alex Luis Armstrong.

"It appears Armstrong has a new hobby," Mustang noted from his office,

"Joy," The rest of his subordinates instinctively replied.

* * *

_Oh come on, you know you enjoy the mental image xD_

_Video used: __htt p :/ ww w. you tube . c o m /watch__ ?v=e69-GO4bYLM_

_Who should sing a childhood song next?_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	9. The Ants Go Marching By

"I just received a notice from General Hakuro," Mustang informed his office, holding up a piece of paper, "It states that we need to go on a march around Central to 'install hope into the hearts of our citizens'."

"What a joke," Havoc mumbled, having a drag on his cigarette.

"They're doing this just so they think people can trust Bradley," Edward dully stated, absorbed in his book.

"Either way, I know the perfect song we can sing," Mustang grinned before starting.

"_Soldiers go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah_

_Soldiers go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah_

_To guard us till there is no sun, the little one stops to have some fun-"_ Mustang pointedly stared at Edward, who snapped "I'M NOT LITTLE!"

"_And they all go marching here, and there, and everywhere_

_..._

_Soldiers go marching two by two, huzzah, huzzah_

_Soldiers go marching two by two, huzzah, huzzah_

_To save us from impending doo(m), the little one stops to eat his shoe-"_

"GET YOUR FACTS RIGHT, THAT WAS LING!"

"_And they all go marching here, and there, and everywhere_

_..._

_Soldiers go marching three by three, hurrah, huzzah_

_Soldiers go marching three by three, huzzah, hurrah_

_Protecting us with alchemy, the small one loves Fuhrer's loyalty-"_

"Psh, that's a joke...I'M NOT SMALL DAMNIT!"

"_And they all go marching here, and there, and everywhere"_ Mustang concluded his song, earning a small round of applause from the office.

"I don't like it, it insults me more than necessary," Edward sulked.

"Too bad Fullmetal, this is what we're singing!" Mustang declared.

* * *

_Yeah, I kinda cheated changing little to small in the third verse, but it needed to fit. And for all you smart people saying "They can't sing that, it insults the F__ührer!", the soldiers don't know it's sarcastic :P_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	10. I Can Sing A Rainbow

Mei was sitting in one of her studies, reviewing the notes on Alkahestry that Scar's older brother had researched on, and was finding it difficult to understand all of the words as they were more than out of her vocabulary level. As nobody was there to scrutinize what she was doing, Mei sighed and shut her eyes, taking a break from the papers spread before her.

"This is so hard~" Mei sighed while yawning, "I'm sure I would find it easier if I had Alphonse-sama with me to help me understand what some of the harder words mean. This is so hard without my prince by my side!"

Mei forced herself to open her eyes, and she curiously looked at Shao May, who curiously staring back at Mei. Just then, an idea popped into the little girl's head.

"If I sing about Al-sama, maybe it will feel like he's here!" Mei squealed. She thought hard for a second, before she remembered the tune of a lullaby her mother would sing her to sleep with. Clearing her throat, Mei began singing:

"_Strong and awesome and cool and brave_

_The best and amazing too_

_I can describe Alphonse_

_Describe Alphonse_

_Describe Alphonse too_

_..._

_Look with your own eyes,_

_Hear with both your ears,_

_and describe all you can see,_

_I can describe Alphonse_

_Describe Alphonse_

_Describe Al with me_

_..._

_Strong and awesome and cool and brave_

_The best and amazing too_

_I can describe Alphonse_

_Describe Alphonse_

_Describe Alphonse too!"_

Mei stopped, and just at that moment, Alphonse entered the room, and to his surprise the little girl attached herself to his waist, squealing "It worked! It really worked!~"

"Um, I don't know what you're talking about but okay," Alphonse hesitantly replied, trying to ply the girl off him. She got off, and with the Alphonse, they comprehended the work quickly.

"Alphonse-sama is so awesome," Mei whispered to herself.

* * *

_Wow, that was quicker than I thought xD _

_Yeah, I keep forgetting to put a video link cos now I just google for the lyrics~_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	11. Hush Little Baby

Elysia was crying from her room for the sixth time that night. She was only a few months old so it was not much of a shock, but it didn't mean that Gracia was any less stressed.

"Maes, can you please calm her down?" Gracia asked, her eyes still shut. Hughes got out of his bed and drearily walked down the hallway until he got to her room. He loved his spoilt little girl, but when you need to be at work in a few hours and she's being loud-well, you can imagine how he felt.

Still, he saw her crying, and couldn't help but smile as he began to quietly sing to her:

"_Ssh, Elysia, be quiet now,_

_Daddy's going to buy you a farm yard cow._

_..._

_If that farm yard cow won't moo,_

_Dadda's gonna buy you a trip to the zoo._

_..._

_If that zoo is so boring,_

_Dadda's going to buy you a doll from Xing._

_..._

_If the doll will get a chip,_

_Dadda's going to buy you a comic strip._

_..._

_If the comic strip is dull,_

_Dadda's going to buy you a carnival._

_..._

_If carnivals just aren't your thing,_

_Dadda's going to nuy you an alchemised ring._

_..._

_If the ring will lose its design,_

_Dadda's going to buy you a neon sign._

_..._

_If that neon sign won't light,_

_We'll still love you so you won't get in a fight_

_..._

_So hush little angel, don't you cry,_

_Mummy loves you and so do I. "_Once Maes finished singing, Elysia had calmed down completely, and was already fast asleep. Maes smiled at her, and, scared of waking up Gracia, went to sleep on the floor next to Elysia, her hand wrapped around his fingers through the cot.

* * *

_Aww, Parental Hughes :D_

_Okay, I'm gonna stop writing now. It's been three hours, I'm tired and have nothing I want to update for the current time. So, until later, bye-bye!_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	12. Five Little Ducks

"...Which can blow up the insides of small creatures, which is why you are forbidden to ever do that again Colonel, Sir," Riza Hawkeye finished her lecture to Mustang on procrastinating. Mustang, who would've normally fallen asleep after such a dull lecture, was wide awake due to the fact that Hawkeye had recently been reaching her hand near her pistol and was stroking it while talking to the Colonel.

"Yes ma'am," Mustang fastly squeaked.

Outside in the larger office, the other subordinates were talking.

"It's like Hawkeye's the queen in the workplace," Breda noted. Havoc nodded.

"Yeah, even a war hero such as the Flame Alchemist dares to cross her," He took a long breath on his cigarette.

"I know, it's actually inspired me to write a song," Fuery reached around in his pocket before pulling out a scrap of paper with words written on it. He cleared his throat and began to sing (to the tune of the song Five Little Ducks):

"_Five alchemists were out one day_

_To do alchemy and to play_

_Roy Mustang said "Work, work, work, work,"_

_Only four alchemists listened to the jerk..._

_..._

_Four alchemists were out one day_

_To do alchemy and to play_

_Hoenheim said "spar, spar, spar, spar,"_

_Only three listened to the alchemy star..._

_..._

_Three alchemists were out one day_

_To do alchemy and to play_

_Izumi said "Die, die, die, die,"_

_Two of the strong alchemists started to cry..._

_..._

_Two alchemists were out one day_

_To do alchemy and to play_

_Alphonse-san said "Play, play, play, play,"_

_Only one of the alchemists heard his pray..._

_..._

_One alchemist were out one day_

_To do alchemy and to play_

_Edward-san said "Fight, fight, fight, fight,"_

_None of the five alchemists had heard his plight..._

_..._

_No alchemists were out one day_

_To do alchemy and to play_

_The Hawk's eyes said "Here, here, here, here,"_

_And the alchemists came running near."_

The others in the room clapped and laughed at the song.

"I heard that!" Riza called from the other office.

All of them ran out the office.


	13. Rain, Rain, Go Away

Buccaneer distastefully eyed up and down the new soldiers which were stationed at Briggs, sent from Central Headquarters. Most of these chaps couldn't even figure out how to hold a rifle, let alone be on patrol in Briggs. Even now as they were just _sitting down, _they were being pathetic cry babies.

"Sir, it's freezing in here," A weedy man complained, wrapping his hands around the overpriced coffee and drinking the liquid like it was sacred.

"Don't you have heaters here?" Another man asked.

"Sir, I've lost all feeling in my nose," A woman complained, rubbing on her nose. Buccaneer lost his temper.

"All of you are weaklings!" Buccaneer barked at them, "Rather than being a chameleon and adapting to your situation, you moan around and complain! You're soldiers, not kids. Survival of the fittest is vital in Briggs! Didn't they teach you anything whilst you were in Central?"

Scared faces covered the soldiers.

Buccaneer sighed.

"If you act like babies, I'll have to treat you as such," Buccaneer began to feel his cheeks grow red, and not from the cold. "Listen carefully, this is only happening once. I'll have to sing it out for you. All of you have better have heard of Rain, Rain Go Away or else I'll do unspeakable things to you."

He cleared his throat before starting:

"_Briggs, Briggs, be hard core _

_Briggs, Briggs, be hard core_

_Don't let weaklings through our door _

_Train until your body's sore _

_Train until your body's sore _

_.._

_Briggs, Briggs, be hard core _

_Briggs, Briggs, be hard core _

_Don't let weaklings through our door_

_Train until your body's sore _

_Train until your body's sore _

_.._

_Train until your body's sore _

_Train until your body's sore."_

The soldiers were torn between clapping and laughing their heads off.

* * *

_Link: h ttp: /w ww. Youtube .co m/wat ch?v=_ftTtjr6-3Y_

_I know, it's been a while since I updated...anything really. Sorry, but it's so nice not being pressured to upload daily so I'm on a break ^^_

_-Snoring Tiger_


	14. Butterfly Butterfly Flutter

Lust was incredibly bored. Envy was parading around the town whilst gloating about killing at least thirty men in one go, Gluttony was chewing on some poor man's appendage (she couldn't tell as most of it was in her companion's mouth) and Greed hadn't been around for at least the last ten years. Hence her boredness. She didn't realise that she was humming whilst inspecting her daggers for nails, and was surprised to find that she was humming a human children's song.

She vaguely remembered the lyrics but decided to change them though. Childish as it was, at least it would keep her preoccupied. As she was trying to think of a topic, her eyes lazily wandered to Gluttony, who was now chewing on the corpse of a dead woman.

Bingo.

"_Gluttony, Gluttony, do what I say_

_Gluttony, Gluttony, right away_

_Gluttony, Gluttony, eat those guys_

_Gluttony, Gluttony, you're not wise_

_Gluttony, Gluttony, yield your gate_

_Gluttony, Gluttony, what's your weight?_

_-.-_

_Gluttony, Gluttony, do what I say_

_Gluttony, Gluttony, right away_

_Gluttony, Gluttony, eat those guys_

_Gluttony, Gluttony, you're not wise_

_Gluttony, Gluttony, yield your gate_

_Gluttony, Gluttony, what's your weight?"_

Hell, she knew the world would never find an answer for her last question.

* * *

_Song I used: ht tp:/w ww. Yo utub e. Co m /watch?v=5HhlxSZ2gQc_

_The reason the story part is short is because it was hard enough as to think how someone like Lust would sing a kid's song._

_-Snoring TIger_


	15. Cock A Doodle Doo

Edward was being forced to sit on his dormitory bed by his younger brother who was lecturing him on the importance of not kicking your superior in the shin, or any human being for that matter. Naturally, Edward wasn't paying all too much attention to his brother's rambling but was instead trying to figure out a way to present his defence in a way that Alphonse would understand.

"So Edward, what do you have to say for yourself?" Alphonse sternly asked him. Edward was quiet for a minute while counting with his fingers. He then sprung up from the bed and looked Alphonse straight into his red eyes.

"Okay, do you want to hear my side of the story?" Edward eagerly asked, bouncing up and down on the balls on his feet while looking quite pleased with himself.

"Um, sure..." Alphonse hesitantly replied, scared at his brother's sudden happiness.

Edward melodramatically cleared his throat.

"_Whoop de flipping doo,_

_Today my temper flew,_

_Just when I thought I found the crimson stone,_

_It was fake, Mustang, damn you!_

_It was fake, Mustang, damn you!_

_-.-_

_Whoop de flipping doo,_

_Today my temper flew,_

_Just when I thought I found the crimson stone,_

_It was fake, Mustang, damn you!_

_It was fake, Mustang, damn you!_

_-.-_

_Whoop de flipping doo,_

_Today my temper flew,_

_Just when I thought I found the crimson stone,_

_It was fake, Mustang, damn you!_

_It was fake, Mustang, damn you!_

_-.-_

_Whoop de flipping doo,_

_Today my temper flew,_

_Just when I thought I found the crimson stone,_

_It was fake, Mustang, damn you!_

_It was fake, Mustang, damn you!"_

"Okay, you don't need to repeat it a fifth time, I get the idea brother!" Alphonse interrupted before Edward would start singing again. Edward grinned.

"I think I made my point quite clear," Edward stated in all seriousness. Alphonse just sighed.

"Alright brother, you're off the hook today."

Edward ran out of the room and went downstairs, most likely to show off to Mustang his newly created song. As Alphonse watched him run out of the dormitory he said, "You know, he-along with everyone else now that I think about it- really needs to stop singing kid's songs."

* * *

_The version of the song I used: ht tp : /w ww .y out ube .c om /watch?v=VE1KwqFV4MA _

_Yeah it was only four lines repeated four times, sorry about that._

_-Snoring Tiger_


	16. London Bridge is Falling Down

_"Hoenheim has returned now, _

_Returned now, returned now._

_Hoenheim has returned now,_

_My dear Dante." _Pride informed his master and the other six homunculus who were in the middle of a heated debate. They all stopped to stare at Pride, mostly because he had just sung, but also because of this news.

_"How shall we make him suffer?_

_Make him suffer, make him suffer?_

_How shall we make him suffer?_

_My dear Dante." _Envy asked maliciously.

_"Get hot oil and push him in,_

_Push him in, push him in._

_Get hot oil and push him in,_

_My dear Dante." _Greed suggested.*

_"Impale his decieving heart,_

_Decieving heart, decieving heart._

_Impale his decieving heart,_

_My dear Dante." _Lust sang while inspecting her ferocious nails. She wasn't fond of decieving men.

_"That punishment is too soft,_

_Is too soft, is too soft._

_That punishment is too soft,_

_My dear Dante." _Envy objected to Lust while glaring at her.

_"Stab his brain with swords and knives,_

_Swords and knives, swords and knives._

_Stab his brains with swords and knives,_

_My dear Dante." _Sloth calmly spoke up, albeit hesitantly.

_"Swords and knives may bend and break,_

_Bend and break, Bend and break._

_Swords and knives may bend and break,_

_My dear Dante." _Wrath pointed out.

_"Salt on lips would torture him,_

_Torture him, torture him._

_Salt on lips would torture him,_

_My dear Dante." _Gluttony for once spoke four complex sentences not related to food. There was silence for a few seconds in light of this.

_"We need to make his hopes dim,_

_His hopes dim, his hopes dim._

_We need to make his hopes dim,_

_My dear Dante." _Wrath sang in a matter-of-factly tone.

_"Set his whole body ablaze,_

_Body ablaze, body ablaze._

_Set his whole body ablaze,_

_My dear Dante." _Envy was rather excited by this point as he wanted revenge quite badly.

_"Blind him so he has no gaze,_

_Has no gaze, has no gaze._

_Blind him so he has no gaze, _

_My dear Dante." _Greed sang.

"You know what, by this point I don't even care what you do," Dante groaned, wondering where she went wrong with teaching her disciples with how to be evil.

* * *

*_Yes yes, technically he wouldn't be there. But why should you question something as silly as canon when the homunculus are singing? _

_I really wanted to do a homunculus musical :3_

_-Snoring Tiger_


End file.
